Pain & DID
The other day, members of one of the Dissociative Writers’ Workshops talked about pain.
“How do I describe my pain in my writing?”
“If you’re writing for other people to read, how much pain can you share?”
“It’s hard for me to describe and it’s hard for others to hear.”
People Have No Idea
Pain comes with DID territory. Physical, emotional, and psychic pain. Because we are good at hiding things, most people have no idea how much pain we carry.
Sometimes our pain travels with us everywhere we go – the psychic pain of not knowing who we are. Sometimes one of our alters carries one pain while another alter carries another – the body pain that holds the abuse. Sometimes pain is so overwhelming that we roll into a ball and disappear – the emotional pain of chaos, loss, confusion.
How Much is Too Much?
When I was writing my memoir, I began one chapter describing, yet again, the pain I carried. My editor said, “I think you can shorten that a bit. We get it.” I appreciated her comment. But did she really get it? Does she have to get it? Do we have to make sure our family, friends, and readers “get” the pain we carry?
I don’t know the answer to that. I do know we need to feel listened to, heard, and believed. Our pain is often more than we can bear so expecting others to carry its full intensity may be more than we can count on.
Walking the Walk
Thankfully, we have therapists who walk that walk with us, into the dark bowels of our unconscious, along the throbbing pulse of our skin, exploring the shattered remnants of our heart. The further we journey through the pain, the less hold it has over us. Our witness to its presence creates openings for the toxic poison to slowly leave our body. Eventually, the pain settles, and we see hope on the horizon. We embrace a life with less pain or even pain-free.
We Are More Than Our Pain
We are more than our pain, even when we think we aren’t.
Each of us decides how much and to whom we share our pain. It helps to know that we are resilient. We shall overcome.
Self-Care
While some writing is meant for others to read, journal writing is meant only for ourselves. Don’t be afraid to share ALL of your pain in your journal. Let your alters witness to you and each other, and you can witness back to them. Be your own therapy group and support one another.
Take care of yourself when your pain overwhelms you. Treat yourself kindly, the way you weren’t treated when you were little. Love yourself.
Life gets better. Pain is reduced and sometimes disappears altogether. You are not only a survivor. Soon you will be a thriver.
Invitation
Check out my website at www.lynbarrett.com where you can download my free ebook called DID Unpacked. You can also sign up for notification of the release of my memoir, Crazy? A Memoir (formerly titled Crazy: In Search of a Narrative) and learn more about writing opportunities. Email me or share your thoughts in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you!
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29: 11