Sea Breeze & Sand
In 1992, I was released from a 30-day stay in the Women’s Unit at Northwestern Institute in Fort Washington, Pennsylvania. I had no diagnosis, but I did have a greater sense of stability from the community of women who were falling apart and putting themselves back together like me.
My roommate lived about 45 minutes away and another 45 minutes from the New Jersey seashore. We stayed in touch after our release and decided we wanted to put into practice what we had learned in the hospital. We would “take care of ourselves” by renting a house near the ocean the following summer. I loved the ocean but had never vacationed there. Renting a little bungalow three blocks from the beach seemed like the culmination of a dream. My roommate eventually moved on in another direction, but I never did.
The Pilgrimage
The summer of 1993 was the start of my annual pilgrimage to the ocean where the powerful rhythm of the waves and the searing heat of the sun gave me a reprieve from the new diagnosis I had received in the intervening year, from the weekly dark descent in my therapist’s office, and from the endless drama of the dysfunctional family I begat. I was struggling financially, but I made the choice to save my pennies and make this vacation a priority. Time to just “be” instead of coping, working, and surviving was healing in and of itself, without any effort on my part except the effort to get there.
For the next ten years, I trekked to Surf City New Jersey, sometimes with a friend or family member but usually by myself to receive this regenerative shot in the arm. Sea, sun, sand, reading, writing, good meals, time alone, time (sometimes) together, moving slowly, breathing in the power of nature and breathing out my wounds. Back home, during each year, I advanced professionally, met new alters, gave them voice, struggled to believe their stories, coped with excruciating triggers, curled up into a fetal position on a regular basis, and was unable to maintain relationships for the most part. Yet every summer, I took the pilgrimage that gave me the will and spirit to carry on. Gradually, as my life changed, my pilgrimages ended. I moved away from the coastal northeast, I married, and I healed. I missed the seashore, but it was not to be.
A New Pilgrimage
Today, I find myself living in the desert with no appreciable water around. To be sure, the desert has its own draw: the stark reality of life on the edge, the searing sun that wears down animal, mineral, and vegetable, the lack of abundance that forces us to rely on our own devices. In some ways, I think I’ve already been there and done that in a desert of my history’s making.
“So,” I pleaded with my husband, “I need water. I need coast. I need another taste of the New Jersey seashore even if it’s not in New Jersey.”
“Where’s the closest beach to Las Cruces?” he asked. I pulled out my phone and put that question to my GPS.
“Rockport, Texas,” it told us. So last week we made a new pilgrimage to the Gulf coast town that was named among the ten best beaches in Texas in USA Today.
We had a wonderful week. The weather could have been better, but that’s the beach for you. Still, the sea breeze filled with droplets of ocean gently doused me with happiness. Walking along the sand and watching the dainty waves (much smaller than Surf City’s) filled me with deja vu. Being a part of the vast expanse of earth, sky, and water all reminded me of those seminal years so long ago where I painfully let go of who I thought I was and began to embrace the complicated person I really am.
I am a part of something bigger. My wounds are not the whole of me. I can find renewal if I seek it out. A ritual begun in the midst of suffering is not so easily abandoned. My bones seem to require it and my body, mind, and spirit follow.
Looks like we’ll be going back next year 😊 🌊 ☀️!
Fall Memoir Class 101 Signups
6-Week Class for Dissociative Writers
October 7, 14, 21 and November 4, 11, 18, 2024
3:00 – 5:00 pm ET
If you’ve been thinking about writing your memoir, this class is for you! This year, DW’s Beginners Memoir Class 101 will begin in October and run through November with a week break at the end of October, giving participants more time to work on memoir structure. Our classes are two hours long, once a week, for six weeks. The first hour is devoted to content and the second hour to sharing writing and feedback. We have a maximum class size of eight and a minimum class size of four; each participant will get to share their writing twice during the course of the class. For more information, go to the Dissociative Writers webpage and scroll to mid-page, or email Lyn with question
April Events & May
(To access these workshops and meetings, please go to the Groupeasy Calendar, click on the Event/Date, then click on the Zoom link.)
Tuesday, April 23, 1:00 pm Eastern: Traditional Writing Workshop (Sharri)
Monday, April 29, 12:00 noon Eastern: Focused Writing Group (Rotating Facilitation)
Tuesday, April 30, 1:00 pm Eastern: Writing-in-Place (Kim)
Wednesday, May 1, 8:00 pm Eastern: Evening Writing-in-Place (Surita)
Monday, May 6, 12 noon Eastern: Focused Writing Group (Rotating Facilitation)
Tuesday, May 7, 1:00 pm Eastern: Traditional Workshop (Sharri)
Monday, May 13, 12 noon Eastern: Focused Writing Group (Rotating Facilitation)
Monday, May 13, 6:30 pm Eastern: Business Meeting (All are welcome!)
Tuesday, May 14, 1:00 pm Eastern: Writing-in-Place (Kim)
Wednesday, May 15, 8:00 pm Eastern: Evening Writing-in-Place (Surita)
Monday, May 20, 12 noon Eastern: Focused Writing Group (Rotating Facilitation)
Tuesday, May 21, 1:00 pm Eastern: Traditional Workshop (Sharri)
Monday, May 27, 12 noon Eastern: Focused Writing Group (Rotating Facilitation)
Tuesday, May 28, 1:00 pm Eastern: Writing-in-Place (Kim)
Wednesday, May 29, 8:00 pm Eastern: Evening Writing-in-Place (Surita)
🕊️
At the beach, life is different.
Time doesn’t move hour to hour but mood to moment.
We live by the currents, plan by the tide, and follow the sun.
~ Sandy Gingras
Lyn